do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
