Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
