so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
