I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
