Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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