drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
