I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
