There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
