Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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