I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
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Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.