i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
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Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.