Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.