If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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