Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
