There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
