I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize