I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
