Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
