I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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