So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
