I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
