is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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