You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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