I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
