dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
