i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
