take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
