Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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