i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
