you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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