If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
