If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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