I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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