And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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