Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
