I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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