If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
