Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
