His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
