So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
