She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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