Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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