Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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