Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
