Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
