Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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