I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
