I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
