he shaved USA in his pubs
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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