I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
