I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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