peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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