Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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