Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize