dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
