I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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