I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
