Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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