Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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