I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
