jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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