and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
