Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
