he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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