Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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