Already got asked if we're dating
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
