i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
