Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
