i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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