my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
