I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
