does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
