Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize
