i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
