I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
