hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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