I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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