omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
