i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
