sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
