he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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