he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
