Rock
Scissors
Fuck
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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