The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
