it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Your cock deserves a montage
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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